Traveling alone

I have just spent 4 days in Santander, the capital of Cantabria. Alone. 

I have started going on trips alone a few years ago, when I got tired of always having to wait for others to actually do things. I am not going to lie: when you are in your 30s, most of your friends just start to have serious relationships, kids, or to buy houses which prevent them from spending money in a casual way. I left my boyfriend at 29 and had my heart broken at 31…

I tried different strategies, with two main approches:

⁃ having many different friends I could do many different things with

⁃ telling my closest friends all about how bad I was feeling, hoping they would spend more time with me

But in the end:

⁃ those weren’t actual friends and I reached to the conclusion that I wasn’t spending quality time with them

⁃ I was basically becoming the third wheel in every of my closest friends’ relationships

I had two options: stopping doing things, or starting doing things on my own so I chose the second one. Some decide to do it through websites and apps that put together different people. But I figured “if I have to put myself up there, let’s do it well” and since my worst fear was to be alone, I had to try doing it.

My first trip alone was a disaster. I went to New-York for 5 days and I kept thinking and thinking. So many questions and not a single answer. Every place I visited I was feeling like an outsider. I didn’t speak to any human beings.

But I tried again. And it went better. I could feel there were positive aspects about being alone: 

⁃ I could do whatever I wanted without having to compromise on money, time or the types of places or things

⁃ I could actually take time for me

⁃ I could meet new people. Most of most important people I have met in my life were during my trips alone

Now I often travel alone. 

You can never know how you will feel when staying by yourself. Sometimes you will just enjoy the freedom, some other times you’ll be stuck with your thoughts and doubts. But the most important thing to keep in mind is that, looking back at it, you will have understood a little bit more about yourself.

Right now I am on the plane getting back to Milan, writting these notes on my airplane-mode-on-cell, because I decided, on this 4-day trip alone, that it was time for me to tell my story, do something, for me and for others.